Mood:  rushed

After so much time and thought I know it's true. I love him. I have never loved a guy. The only time I have loved guys is in the friendship way. Not him. He's different. So different.

One of the countless reasons why I love him. And even though, I like him an extreme amount and love him; I am not heartbroken over him. He never did anything cruel or said anything cruel.

He has a girlfriend and lives with her...so he's serious about her, but I don't think he's so serious that he wants to marry her. I asked if he wanted to, but from the way he answered I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to. That could change.

I hope he's happy with her and if he's  not I hope he doesn't feel obligated to stay. I hope if doesn't want to be with her he will have the guts to tell her. I hope he doesn't give her the stupid response, " I just don't think we have that spark anymore."  Or any of the other stupid responses males and females give to each other. 

 I wonder if are paths will cross once again? I hope so with every will of my soul. 

I can't even recall his face anymore. He is beginning to feel like a a distant dream or somebody's else's memory I somehow get to peek into. It's changing me. Ican't decide if that's good or bad. I don't know if I like it.

To me he seems like everything I want. All the main qualities I am looking for.  But he's gone. He still lives in the same town. I believe; but neither him or I go to the school in Sheridan. 

It seems like to me this can't be the end of our story. Can it be? Would I know? It seems like I should? 

Most my memories of him are good, none are bad. Some are better than others. I keep putting the them on repeat in my mind. I can't get him out of my head.

I wish I could rewind time and ask all the questions I didn't get to ask and say most of things I wanted to say.  I wouldn't say all them,even though I wanted to. I was taught and still strongly believe that the man chases after the girl/woman. It's how it should be. The people of Jane Austin days had it right!

These entries are like diary entires...no they are diary entires! LOL All the words I don't tell most people...sometimes not even a select few. 

 God has plans for me... I know, but sometimes it seems like he could use some help! I know he doesn't. And if I did help him I am sure I would screw it up! LOL But  seriously, I am tired of waiting to know WHY!!! WHEN will I know?

If I were to rewrite "our story" I would take him and I and put us together permanently. Whether we just stayed friends or became something more.  I can live with either, but I can't stand having him NOT in my life! 'm pretty sure I could live with being friends...I mean at first I thought he was cute, but I didn't like him. The  "like" and then " love" came later after I gotto know him. He would tell me about his dreams and I would tell him mine. We would console each other when we were well or upset...etc. I just want him in my life. =/ =( 

Is love always so confusing and complicated at a time?

Signing off as 

I know I love him and it makes me sad and happy at the same time.