Topic: Davis Pierce

 Everything about him drew me in. When I first met him I realized something
stood out about him. He wasn’t like any other guy I had known. He was different.
What was it that was so addicting about him, yet so profoundly strange? So
many times I had wondered if he was all in my head. I questioned if he was just an imaginary figment created by my
subconscious. He was too good to be real. He and I seemed like two different species. If
I had to give him a color that would describe him I would say it was impossible. All the
colors are too bland, and too simple. I was heartbroken over this guy. A guy I hardly
knew him.  How could that be possible? It shouldn’t be. I thought it would be easier to
get over him, but apparently it is not. Every mention of his name or just the memory of
him brings up old feelings and stirs up new ones.
Retrospect:
I saw him. I saw him there, walking
with her. He was holding her hand. I didn't see him very often anymore, not like I used
to. Now, when I see him, he is with a new girl (or at least it seemed like it). He was
slowing killing me like cancer, deadly, but oh so slowly. I consistently contemplated how
long; I could with stand his poison. What was it about him that drove every girl
ungovernable moonstruck, and also blindly smitten? Maybe it was the way he acted or
the way he looked or a mixture of the both. I don't know, but it made me infuriated, and
annoyed. No guy or man should have that much control over a girl, (actually many girls.)
My opinion of him was somewhat of heroics, yet I still thought of him as a repulsive
being. Unfortunately, I was one of those pathetic girls that cherished, and admired just
about anything he said or did. I hated it. I should have been different. I shouldn't have
been like the rest of his idiotic and predictable posse. But I was. The only reason I was
set apart as an individual from the rest- was that I didn't act like I liked him, and beyond
doubt was not throwing myself at him. He had so much control over me. I hated it. I
didn't want to be controlled. But I was, and he didn't have the slightest hint. Even my
dreams were about him. My dreams were wonderful...we were either together or
friends in each of them. But every time I woke up, reality crept right back in, and my
mind was cleansed of all the delusions, and temporary happiness that was once native.
He even put Greek gods to shame. Gorgeous was a word that fit him perfectly. The first
time he rode the bus I sat in the last seat, and he sat two seats in front of me. The whole
 time he was staring at me. You know the way a person looks at you for
the first time, and you can tell that they think that you are gorgeous? Well, he looked at
me like that. When these things  don't happen  the way we want them to there is something better out there for us. Thus we should move on and just be content. I guess he was one of those things.

I always hear about the girls or boys that are silently in love with someone that doesn't even know they exist (I've been there.) They say it's horrible. But if they know you exist, but they don't acknowledge it, it's even more terrible, and depressing. I had a feeling that something was going to happen. I guess that could be called
intuition. I predicted that this boy I know would be some where he never was.  He was
I was completely right! I have never predicted something before.
   

Dear, Rhett it seems like it has been forever sense I first met you.
I remember the day you walked up to the school, and came through the entrance-how simple and easy life seemed right then. But not very long after wards it became quite diverse. I enjoyed seeing you every evening on the bus, and Wednesday mornings. The bus ride home was always entertaining and fun when you rode with the rest of us, and I even enjoyed those slightly repulsive comments you made about me, but I acted like I didn’t. The day I found out that you liked Sammie was one glum, and depressing day. I was so upset I felt sick, and stayed home the next day because of it it... I couldn’t comprehend why you liked her; she wasn’t pretty or amazingly cool. She was sort of cool, but not THAT cool. I was puzzled, what made her so much more special than me? I was beautiful (still am), and cool…not outgoing, but still it didn’t make sense. I like you-there's no doubt that I do. I tried to forget about you, but my sub-conscious won't let me. And I can't ever lose the memory of what it feels like to be in your presence.
So..why am I telling you this? I really don't know. I guess I just needed to get it out there. I also think that I'm telling you this, because I don't think I'll ever be with you-no matter how much I want it, and I guess I owe you an explanation. Sometimes we have to deprive ourselves of the things that we want the most, because it's for the best. Life doesn't always makes sense or people or feelings. Our intuition should be trusted. My life is complicated, and I'm sure yours is also. There was never a beginning or an end to this, not yet. I need closure. I really do, so I can move on, or I will forever be living in a fantasy world, and in the past. I think your an awesome person,(I don't end up liking just anyone.)I'm sure that your capable of the most astonishing things, so don't let the world down. Fight for what you want, and be determined to get it. I still care about you, and I'm sorry I wasn't always friendly,don't take it personally-that's just how I am.

What a shame you and I could have been such a beautiful picture
Your feelings changed or were they all an act?
Just to see how far you could get?
I do not know what to think anymore
I still want to be friends, but do you?
How did your heart become as solid as concrete?
Did it happen over night? Or slowly?
I keep trying to get inside your head, but you keep blocking any access
You keep saying anything the, but the truth.
I really don't understand.
I wish I knew.



Hello :(

I want to be friends.
And I want to know if you do?
Will you agree?
Do you want to hang out like you suggested?
Ever since I first knew you I wanted to be friends.
And at one time I thought you did also.
Now I do not know if that's the case.
When I ran into you the other day I felt like you were not happy to see me and would careless if did not see me or if you never saw me again. :(
It made me really upset.
I want to know why You suggested hanging out or meeting up or whatever you want to call it, if you did not mean it?
I want to be friends with you. I care about a lot, obviously. But I want to know if you do not want that. I want the truth. I can handle it.
It's either an end or a beginning...and I want to know which!
If it's an end I need to know so I can move on with my life.
I really hope you answer this and that you say what you mean.
I would rather you give me a truthful answer then for you to ignore this.
So please, answer this and answer truthfully.

 

The passion I have for him
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: Kris Allen- No boundaries
Topic: Davis Pierce

This is what I am thinking. What I am feeling. I do not want to hide it, but I know I need to for a while. If I do not it could mean the end! what if I need to show you this? What to do? I have no idea.

I keep trying to get on with this phase of my life
It’s becoming so dragged out
How do I stop this from happening?

I need more of a reason, some kind of goal and may be even motivation on your side
I want to know what you feel, what you felt
Why? How? What happened? And what about now?


It’s getting harder to crawl

This mountain isn’t getting smaller

 

I am tired of waiting
Are you in or are you out?
And what do I want?
Am I willing to go through with you if it means immense pain?
I think I am. I believe I am.
If having you in my life means much more pain; I believe I am okay with that.
I could be wrong, but I will figure it out.
I want to be the one who stays no matter what.
The person who does not give up on you.
I want to always be the girl, the person who will listen and will do my best to be there.
I want to be the diamond. The stone who will not disappear or fade on you.
I want to prove that I am willing to give so much more; that I am not like everyone else.
I will not give up when it gets hard. I will do my best to not let you down.
I am willing to show you an unconditional love.
Dying, to have you in my life, to somehow be your friend.
If I am not willing to give it my all, how will you or I know what is capable to have; to hold?
I am willing to do my best. Yes, I will give it more than a try. I will give it my all.
I am going to show you something you have never seen.
What if today is the best it gets?
What if it becomes so much worse?
What if this is the end?
 

 

Yes!
Mood:  happy
Topic: Davis Pierce
He asked me to go camping with his family next weekend! I am so excited! :) I want to go so bad! But there are some variables I should consider like; Rather than his aunt, am I the only girl? And what about the weather? What about tents? Where is it? What days? Does it cost? Why is he inviting me? Is there some other girl that he invited that he "likes" that is coming? And I am sure there are more questions I can ask! I would be totally okay, if his sister came, but not if some girl he likes comes...or maybe even if one of his friends' that is a girl comes... I just might get extremely jealous! LOL I seriously would! Hah That would be no fun being jealous! Okay, just for anybody's information I am not asking him, "if some girl he likes is coming," that would be stupid. That would be so stupid! I have wanted to hang out with for over a year! Now, finally! Hopefully my mom will let me go. I told my dad. He does not want me to go, but he did not say I could not. I am afraid my mom will say, "that is not a good idea, NO!" And say, " Just because you are 18 does not mean you can do things like that, you still live under my roof!" I would understand her concern, but seriously, I am not going to drink or get high or smoke or sleep with the boy! I am a good girl most of the time. hahaha Most of the time; not all of the time. I am afraid to go. I am afraid he will think I am boring, I am not, but I have no idea what he likes doing or that he will expect me to sleep with him. Or what if he is not camping with family, but a bunch of friends?! Ah...I do not want to do that! Ahhh... But those are all just possibilities... right? Right! Just because they are possible does not mean that they will happen. I need to stop freaking myself out! LOL ;) So maybe I will write more tomorrow! Probably. I am sorry blog I have abandoned you for so long. I am sad to tell the truth but, "there were more important things to do that were desperatley urgent!"