Dear God, I miss him. Does he like me or not? I like him a lot. :) And it would be so cool if we became really close, even if that just meant really close or good best-friends. He is so amazing. Oh yes, and most importantly he is a christian! I haven't liked a christian guy in forever! Why? Because most of the really cool guys I am around are not christians; sadly. :(... I wish he lived closer. God please help me stay quiet about this. God it's so hard to hide my feelings for him. I am so not good at this. My whole family pretty much figured it out. I am doing my best to hide it, well I was. I couldn't  lie to them about him; but I did. I said I only liked him a little and after that I said some other lie. So they were white lies, right? But they still are lies! :[ I feel horrible! Not only did I lie, but I also couldn't even keep this secret. :/ I suck. AT. THIS. What now? I probably will not see him for a long time.How do I decipher the difference between a guy thinking I am cute, liking me or being interested? It's all so confusing! And what about this variable: If he's a big flirt and/or he thinks I am cool ?!

I read 1 Corinthians 12 today, it's about spiritual I could really use a wish right now.. Some of it is perplexing.  

Hey God: Help, please! I am not sure what I want or need, but change sounds great. :) I really want motivation, purpose and hope and happiness.

hmm.. signing off! :P