Mood:  a-ok

I miss Dave so much. =/ I am completely over Monte! I don't know if he was a player or not. I am over him, though. I have been for a while.

I wish Dave didn't live in Albany. It's so far away! He totally made a hugh impact on my life. I have never met a guy who had so much in common with me, who made me feel so comfortable and I also made me feel like there was a "real" connection between us. < I know that last part sounds dorky, but hey I couldn't think of anything better being rushed! LOL When Dave first came to my old school as a student aid teacher I thought he was cool.

I told my mom about him, the first day of school that he was there. You know what my mom said to me about him? She said, "Don't fall in love with him!" I thought that what she said was hilarious! I even told a few of my friends about what she said!

But now that I think about it, she was right. I don't think I fell in love with him. I certainly was close! If I was given more time, I am sure that I would of.  I wish I didn't have to get a new job! I mean, I'm happy he got the job he wanted, but now I don't know know if I'll ever see him again. 

Why did he come into my life? Just to leave so suddenly? God: I don't understand?! Please explian! Or at leats let me know at least in a couple years!

 On to new subject! My description of college: College is fun, exhausting,  time-absorbing, hard, motivating and interesting. That basically sums it up. I keep on getting new assignments and I have to keep studying.  It sucks sometimes. Especially, when I am exhausted. I know I am there for a purpose...so I have motivation to keep going!I have to satrt studying for midterms. I got one midterm study guide!For that class the midterm should be easy, because of the guide! But now for the other classes...I don't even know if their givingout study guides for my other classes. I sure hope so.

Cole...why can't get over this guy? I thought I was! Then I saw him the other day... and BOOOM I was wrong! It seems like I get over him a little, then something happens and I am worse then I was before.

What to do? I really haven't a clue. I don't think he likes me still. I thought before that he did. But he doesn't. I'm pretty sure.

How? My teacher was talking about some automatic brain awareness about ammediatley knowing if someone you don't like is there or if you like someone. It's true. I saw him right away the other day. We were in the same store for what seemed like eternity.

I went into there to get candy for the movie I was going to watch, and then a bunch of boys and girls came into the store...he was one of them. He was in the for probably a minute or more, but it felt like eternity. I got so nervous. I started shaking and sweating. I noticed him right away. I don't think he even knew I was there. That is until I pushed him playfully and said hey! He said, "Hey how are you?" I said, "Great and you?" I believe he said, "Great" also.

So, yeah. I really don't know what to do to get over that boy. I've liked him for over a year. I should be able to get over him. I should, But that's not happening right now. I feel like if anything's happening there, it's getting worse.  Why can't I get over this toxic boy? What is it about him that still has me captured? I don't have a "thing" for bad boys!

Signing off for today. Hopefully, I will start righting more. Maybe I write once or more a week!