Mood:  on fire

This is what I am thinking. What I am feeling. I do not want to hide it, but I know I need to for a while. If I do not it could mean the end! what if I need to show you this? What to do? I have no idea.

I keep trying to get on with this phase of my life
It’s becoming so dragged out
How do I stop this from happening?

I need more of a reason, some kind of goal and may be even motivation on your side
I want to know what you feel, what you felt
Why? How? What happened? And what about now?


It’s getting harder to crawl

This mountain isn’t getting smaller

I am tired of waiting
Are you in or are you out?
And what do I want?
Am I willing to go through with you if it means immense pain?
I think I am. I believe I am.
If having you in my life means much more pain; I believe I am okay with that.
I could be wrong, but I will figure it out.
I want to be the one who stays no matter what.
The person who does not give up on you.
I want to always be the girl, the person who will listen and will do my best to be there.
I want to be the diamond. The stone who will not disappear or fade on you.
I want to prove that I am willing to give so much more; that I am not like everyone else.
I will not give up when it gets hard. I will do my best to not let you down.
I am willing to show you an unconditional love.
Dying, to have you in my life, to somehow be your friend.
If I am not willing to give it my all, how will you or I know what is capable to have; to hold?
I am willing to do my best. Yes, I will give it more than a try. I will give it my all.
I am going to show you something you have never seen.
What if today is the best it gets?
What if it becomes so much worse?
What if this is the end?