Update on my life, I have finally worked one day at my vonunteer place. I have a horrible flegm cough, which got so bad last night that I threw up....gross. I have a mentor!!! One guy I liked, and still do like told me he liked me, and now is Engaged to some other girl. Oh, yes he definitely liked me, that proves it. ;( The other guy I like lives far away, and I only see him a couple times a year. =( And he hasn't told me that he likes me, but everyone is convinced he likes me, but he is just old fashioned....he's not that old fashioned he had a girlfriend a while ago. My room is a major disaster, and it has been that way for a couple weeks now. I am trying to get the motivation, and courage to clean it completely. But it's so hard. One of my good friends I believe is really mad at me, because i didn't send her a letter or email at camp. I couldn't send her a email, I tried several times, but my computer is so stupid. I decided I am going to write her an email to her email, and try and make up for the last emails that didn't get through to her at camp. Hopefully she likes the email, and won't be mad. Cole is a retard. Okay, that was harsh, but seriously he does not know that without me his life is sad. He didn't really give me a decent try! Ugh!!! Boys are so annoying. Sometimes that seems like all their good at.

I want to do all kinds of amazing things in my life. But I don't want to do the typical things that "everybody" else does. If everybody says I want to that or this, it makes me want to do something else even if in the beginning I also wanted to do it. Sometimes I wish i was all grown up, so that I could fly away to some other country. But I guess that it will be okay in the a few years,I'll get all this figured out.

I knew you, but not well
Saw more, and was intrigued
At first only friends, then feelings
developed on both sides
You told me, but
I didn't tell you
I wanted to tell you
Everyone said don't
Now I'm sorry,
confused
You're with a girl
Don't know what to do
I wish I could rewind time
I would change things
between me, and you
My heart is crippled
I cried over you
you never knew
Your memory is a constant slide show in my mind
Won't leave me alone
Endless torment
I guess I didn't mean that much or you wouldn't
have replaced me so fast

Harsh reality
Current mood: annoyed

Sometimes I come to a harsh reality stop sign in the middle of my life’s road. It’s hard to realize, that is the way things are, and there is nothing I can do about it. Quite often I wish there was something I could do about, but more often there isn’t aything I can. Sometimes I wish I could go anywhere to get my mind of those thngs, but usually there isn’t some place I can escape to for a while or even a coupe days. Some days I wish I could be all alone, and not have to worry about seeing anyone or having to do anything. But I guess I must be asking for too much, or I am blind, and cannot see the obvious.