We are taught what is considered "normal." Whether we believe it or not this concept of what is "normal" influences us. It may persuade us to chase after this " normal" or pursue the concept of what people consider "weird." The media does have an influence on us to some extent.

This effect may be good or bad. One person may take it as a challenge to become physically fit and gain a better hold onto nutritionally rich foods. Someone else may take it badly and obsess over looks by buying into all the new trends in makeup, hair, clothes, plastic surgery and other areas. I believe media and society has an impact on our self-esteem. I also believe that we all at some time in the past, future or present obsess over some aspect of what we call imperfection.

Self-esteem is all up to us. We can have a high or low or moderate self-esteem. It just depends on how much we value our state of self-esteem and if we are willing to work consistently, hard on improving it. Many of us accept our culture's idea of beauty. Even though many of us have diverse opinions of what is beautiful to us.

So why do we have such low self-esteem, if we all have different theories on what is beauty? We are constantly are being slowly brainwashed into thinking we all have to be the perfect ideal. Men believe they have to have six packs and be tall, while women feel they have to be pretty, and stick-thin or have a curvy hourglass body. If we started welcoming and encouraging diversity then I believe we would see a major improvement of self-esteem and a fall in dangerous personal activities and habits.

What should we do? I say we should contact media complaining and demanding that they show a variety of body-types, faces, nationalities, skin tones, instead of limiting it and showing preferences for a certain type of "beauty." If we want to see change we have to take action. I would also say contact local communities to aware them of what they can do to help. Start a support group. There are numerous other actions we can take to change the outcomes gradually.

  "Acceptance instead of critique."  Let us start voicing out loud others' strengths and focus on those. Often people zero in on their faults or other people's faults. People need  to realize their worth. So why not help them? Why not birth a new habit?


I watched an awesome short movie called, " The butterfly effect." It was amazing. It showed how one man overcame some pretty serious defect general beliefs. It showed how he struggled to secure a positive image of himself after years of being told he was excessively flawed. I was inspired at how he learned to change his thoughts on the world and himself that were so ingrained into him.

In 1992 AMERICAN GIRL published the first issue of their magazine. One purpose of the magazine was to  reassure girls of self-esteem. The books are written by a variety of authors, telling tales of girls from contrasting backgrounds and eras. I grew up on these books. My older sister did also. I like the books and have always wanted to get a few of the dolls they make and they have impacted my life. I believe their idea of increasing girls' self -esteem is an honorable goal.

 I cannot imagine some people's struggle to gain a positive view of themselves. I also cannot understand how some people conquer tremendously difficult battles of personal life. I can appluad their successes and their tries. I can also help these people in some form whether I do this by comforting, listening, encouraging or by something else.

 I hope to gain comprehension of  a diversity of issues and how I can assist theses issiues and people effected by them. I want to help people in achieving their goals. I could do this by donating to charities or volunteering. I wonder how else I can aid these people? I want an immense impact on others' lives; not a small dent.

 

Family problems
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Listen by Beyonce
The song I posted as the song I'm now listening to is pretty much how I feel. :( I'm not at home in my own home and I've tried and tried to say what's on my mind. It feels like it's no good...it doesn't make a difference what I say; you only hear what you want to hear. I'm talking about my mom.  I feel like no matter what I say she doesn't understand. It seems like she's always judging me. I feel like I can never meet her standards, that I can never make her happy. I try and try, but all she sees is what I don't do or what I don't say. :( I hate being in this kind of place. I hate going home and having to ralk to her. It's always the same...she upset because I'm not spending enough time with my little sister, or I forgot to do something or she says that I don't appreciate her. Maybe, if she knew how I felt then she wouldn't keep treating me like some second trash she can just throw outside. Maybe, she would think twice about how she treats me. I'm tired of always trying to please her. I'm tired of always not measuring up.

Stress, college and ...
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Who I Am by Nick Jonas (Which explains exactly how I feel...pretty much.)

Why am I having some major issues? One moment I as happy as can be and the next I am feeling lower than insects. :( I feel worse each time I feel bad. I feel crying, but I can't cry or I can't get all the emotions out. I keep feeling stressed out. I went to a second hand store to get some bargains or a bargain on a pair of jeans. I tried countless pairs on. Most didn't fit and I am not fat or even chubby...Yet it made me feel like a size 20. I'm like a size 7 to 9.

I found one pair I decided to get. They are so cute! :) I also got my refund check back today, so that made me feel incredibly better and happier. But I still feel like crap. It seems like the days I do best is when I am near a friend or a by I used to like talks to me. Then I start liking them again! Ugh What's wrong with me? Why Can't I just leave the stupid memories in the past? I keep comparing them with today's experiences and keep wishing I could go back. I want to relive my past. I can't though. It sucks. 

I don't know wht, but college is seriously a big issue for me. I keep having to catch up on something or redo something or do more homework or studying... It never ends! It's exhausting. It seems like it's sucking all the time, energy, life and happiness out of me. :( 

I want summer! I want it so bad! I feel like I need it. Like a mentally sick person needs medication. :( Summer is the pill to my sickness. Or the answer to my problems..LOL 

These journal entries/diaries are like therapy. :) They make me feel so much better. It's almost like an addiction...but not. It's good for me! :)

Boys are so frustrating right now. Usually their actions are easy to understand. Not lately.  Or maybe the stress is frying some of those brains cells that convert "boy sense" to "girl sense." LoL That's probably it.

Need to do homework. Don't want to do homework. Ging to do it anyway. I have  to go do homework before it gets too late. (My conscious is applauding my wise decision loudly!) :)

Toodles!

 

 

My friend
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: Fifteen by Taylor Swift
My guy friend Tyler is awesome! He always makes my day so much more fun and bright when I see him or talk to gim over facebook! :)

Why?
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: I promise Stacie Orrico
Topic: The man I love

After so much time and thought I know it's true. I love him. I have never loved a guy. The only time I have loved guys is in the friendship way. Not him. He's different. So different.

One of the countless reasons why I love him. And even though, I like him an extreme amount and love him; I am not heartbroken over him. He never did anything cruel or said anything cruel.

He has a girlfriend and lives with her...so he's serious about her, but I don't think he's so serious that he wants to marry her. I asked if he wanted to, but from the way he answered I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to. That could change.

I hope he's happy with her and if he's  not I hope he doesn't feel obligated to stay. I hope if doesn't want to be with her he will have the guts to tell her. I hope he doesn't give her the stupid response, " I just don't think we have that spark anymore."  Or any of the other stupid responses males and females give to each other. 

 I wonder if are paths will cross once again? I hope so with every will of my soul. 

I can't even recall his face anymore. He is beginning to feel like a a distant dream or somebody's else's memory I somehow get to peek into. It's changing me. Ican't decide if that's good or bad. I don't know if I like it.

To me he seems like everything I want. All the main qualities I am looking for.  But he's gone. He still lives in the same town. I believe; but neither him or I go to the school in Sheridan. 

It seems like to me this can't be the end of our story. Can it be? Would I know? It seems like I should? 

Most my memories of him are good, none are bad. Some are better than others. I keep putting the them on repeat in my mind. I can't get him out of my head.

I wish I could rewind time and ask all the questions I didn't get to ask and say most of things I wanted to say.  I wouldn't say all them,even though I wanted to. I was taught and still strongly believe that the man chases after the girl/woman. It's how it should be. The people of Jane Austin days had it right!

These entries are like diary entires...no they are diary entires! LOL All the words I don't tell most people...sometimes not even a select few. 

 God has plans for me... I know, but sometimes it seems like he could use some help! I know he doesn't. And if I did help him I am sure I would screw it up! LOL But  seriously, I am tired of waiting to know WHY!!! WHEN will I know?

If I were to rewrite "our story" I would take him and I and put us together permanently. Whether we just stayed friends or became something more.  I can live with either, but I can't stand having him NOT in my life! 'm pretty sure I could live with being friends...I mean at first I thought he was cute, but I didn't like him. The  "like" and then " love" came later after I gotto know him. He would tell me about his dreams and I would tell him mine. We would console each other when we were well or upset...etc. I just want him in my life. =/ =( 

Is love always so confusing and complicated at a time?

 

Signing off as 

I know I love him and it makes me sad and happy at the same time.