I want Cole still. I don't know if he wants me. I wish I understood how he feels. I have no idea?! What should I do? Text him? Play it as friendly? Ignore him? I saw him today. I pushed him. Then I said hey. He said, " Hey how are you?" I said good, " how about you?" And then I believe he said good, also. Then we had to leave for the Alice in Wonderland movie. He came in with a bunch of other people. Into the Value K store or whatever store it was. I saw him right away, but I don't know if he saw me. LOL Probably not. Oh, well. It doesn't matter...THAT much. I got so nervous when I saw him. I bet I got nervous, because I poured out my heart to him. I loved the Alice in Wonderland movie! IT was awesome.

You don't have to text me anymore. It's not like you really wanted to anyways. I finally get it. You don't care. The only thing that kept you in contact with me was your own dirty thoughts. I am tired of hanging on every word you say. I am tired of being weak and depressed. You are only holding me back. I don't need your approval or attention anymore. I can I finally see that I do not need you, to feel good inside. I am okay by myself. I was once was not. I was under your control. I pretended that I wasn't, but acting did not change reality. You and I could have been so strong. If you only worked for what you thought you wanted. But I guess that's irreverent to you; now. You may think that it's not over, but the truth is that the end has arrived; and it arrived earlier than today.

No name yet :)
As much as I attempt to dismiss you and the memories that come along
I just cannot seem to replace you with someone else
It used to be mostly happiness that you brought and now you seem to bring me anything but
I used to dream that maybe I could be the one you thought of, but of now I know I was wishing for too much

Those stars once looked brighter when you were near
When those moments became memories it should have changed; it did not
I am still clinging to anything that reminds me of you
Pathetic I know, but I have not grown out of imagining the contrary
So I will write you a few songs, then hopefully I will get it and proceed on

Watching from afar never gets anyone the results they want
Why is action always required?
What about those who never say what's on their mind; what's on their heart?
It doesn't always go the way they want
Sometimes they end up used or shattered
It's hard to be mended, once torn apart

Finally I see, you did before and then that shifted
I keep swallowing my hopes, their foolish; yes I know
It's okay, I will eventually move on
I am halfway there
Tell me why it changed
It puzzles me so much


You are different, you are not the same
Who are you?
What happened love?
I am sorry that you have gone through and seen so much pain

You ensnared me well
I am still stuck
Caught up in everything I thought was reality
It was not the way I dreamed it was
That's okay I get it; certainly took me long enough
You were like a drug charming and addictive, but your effect is like poison

I don't feel pretty without makeup, usually. I feel "average." Sometimes I feel ugly because of my acne. I wish I had amazing eyelashes like my best friend Adrianna. She's beautiful! I'm tired of famous women wearing so much makeup. They look like clowns and they don't even resemble a slight likeness of their natural beauty. They set such high standards for females in beauty. It makes me sick. I don't even feel beautiful without makeup and sometimes even with makeup. And these celebrities are telling women, "You have to look like this, or have this body or this image..etc." It's frustrating. It's unattainable. It's shallow. If they spent half the time they spend on their looks or just makeup on improving their personalities-we would see a lot more happy celebrities. They would start to become better people instead of better images on paper or on screen. I wish no one in the world wore makeup and everyone felt beautiful. I am insecure without makeup on. That's why I always wear it in public. I'm trying to wear less makeup. I'm trying to eventually wear hardly any or none. The world's and especially America's value of beauty is shallow and should be significantly decreased. In appearance men have it so much easier than women. Women are suppose to have lean, long legs, flat stomachs, small, bubble butts, and big boobs and a beautiful face. If we have curvy, short legs, flabby tummy's, big butts, small boobs or an ugly or average face than were not a 10. We're not worthy. We won't ever measure up.

Puppet to Girl
I used to think you wanted me
But that was just a lie I told myself inside
Even the truth was known
I trusted what I hoped
Now I need to realize it was all lie
All those words you spoke were just
to try and get me in bed

You used to make me so weak
Nevertheless that is gone
I am strong
I am strong
I am strong

I will not let you control my emotions
OR play with my mind
I am done
I am tired of being your ego boosting, game
You do not want me, you just want all the attention and compliments that come along
I wish I knew the truth before all this damage was done
But that is what happened and I am done
I am not someone you can use for your advantage
I am not someone who will be ignored
I am a human being
I am a human being
I am a human being

Do not tell me lies
I do not want them anymore
Now I see what they really are
A lame attempt at manipulation
I only want the truth, but you would not even give me that

You have lost what you once felt for me
Honestly you care less
You do not give a thought to
what we could have had
That is fine
I will be okay
I will be happy
I already am
 No need for your approval or attention
I am done
No I do not want to be friends
You were the poison to my happiness for so long
No more
No more
No more

I used to be a doll with strings you controlled so well
And you no idea
You were oblivious
That does not matter anymore
I am done, this is over, this is the conclusion

A broken hearted girl
I am a brokenhearted girl
Torn in countless ways
I have built a bridge that everyone walks over, but dares not tear down
Inside I am dreaming of someone who will break it apart
Someone who will demolish without expecting anything in return
Who will dare to take that challenge?
Each person avoids it like a contagious disease or they do not even realize it’s there

Every human has turned their back on me; leaving me to bleed excessively on my won

I cry, yet no one knows
They cannot comprehend this pain I hold
Nor can they understand what I say or feel; even though I say it over and over again
It’s still unclear; and unknown

I feel like I am too damaged to mend
I am praying for healing
For some kind of release
I am still waiting

The things I hold back are so dear to my heart
All of it is covered by a veil
It’s see through if you come close enough

If someone took the time it could possibly make sense
But they do not
They might understand why I am this way

There is so much pain
So many things that no one understands or knows.

Every disappointment feels like a knife to the skin
Something I cannot bare, yet I am still here

I am crawling down the narrow path
 It seems as though all good and all angels are fleeing for their own sake
I am left to fight this huge war alone

I am begging for attention to ease some of the hurt
It’s of little importance, yet I crave it anyway

I am two girls
One is happy and good
The other depressed and evil
Both are waging a great fight for my soul
An ocean of sadness drowns me every single day
Claiming its rightful territory
Paving my destiny
I am defenseless against it as I scream out God’s name

I am praying for mercy
A release of all the hurt and shame

Forsaken and betrayed I have stayed

Acceptance I seek and disapproval I receive
I am hoping it will change as I cry out to God
I am afraid it will not; that it will stay the same

Everyday I feel like crying and almost everyday I do
A burden I carry so heavy the weight
I have tried to let go; but I cannot
I do not have control

I feel so forsaken, forgotten, hated and betrayed
I bare my heart and rejection stares me coldly in the face
Why am I this way?

No one hears what I say, it does not matter hoe audible my voice
They do not see pain
All they see is what they think is insults and insincerity
I am sincere,
I am seeking someone who cares,
I am baring my heart,
I am begging for help,
 but they all find some other way to see what I am feeling

They think my actions and words are out of anger and revenge , but their out of pain

I am desperate for someone to listen and hear
No one hears
I am waiting patiently
Solitude it so lonely

How will I survive when my spirit is so low?

I try to hide all the intense feelings
I try to be strong
I fail miserably and I hope others cannot see through the show I fake

I find that I want to sleep and be alone more than ever; for that is the only time truly can find comfort from it all