MoNtE :) I love that boy! I don't like it when my friends say that they don't like him or that he's no good. I like him period. There's no changing that fact. Yes, I realize that he's not perfect...but who is? No one! I wish they would stop all their smack talk! The other day I was in class sitting in my desk, these two boys both named Tyler sit in front and behind me...and the one who sits in front of me was sitting next to this boy everyone calls Bubbles...anywho Tom our teacher(he's like 60 something or 70 something) was bending over and Tyler the boy who sits in front of me was like, "Hey Bubbles you like the view behind me, don't you?!" And Monte was like, "Tyler I like the view in front of you"...and some boy was like, "Her (this girl named Michelle?)" And Monte was like, "No, eauww, the one behind him....I was sitting behind him. :) The same day, same class, but an hour later it was break and Monte stayed in class for break, I asked him, " What's your ethnicity?"
He said I'm a mutt, but mostly German and something else I can't even pronounce. And then he said, " Why do I look like I'm of color (as he rolled up his sweatshirt sleeves?)" I said, " Well, you look like you could be Native American." A minute passed by, and then he said, "What's your ethnicity?" And then he said, " People from heaven?" Then he and I both smiled. And I said, " What?!" Even though I was pretty sure I knew what he meant, I was just in shock. We both chuckled after that. Yesterday, he sat by me because someone took his spot. Whenever I wrote something or drew something on my paper he would look over and read it or look at it. I should have wrote on my paper, "I know you're reading everything I write, so I'm going to be careful about what I write." ;) lol It got hot in the room so this boy named Jake opened the classroom window. After a while it got cold and I said, It's cold(in kind of a mumble.)" And Monte looked right at me, then he turned around and said to Jake, "Hey Jake it's kind of windy, could you shut the window?" Jake shut it and Monte looked straight at me. I said, "Thanks Monte, as I smiled all appreciatively." :)

What's the point of life? I believe the point of life is to serve others, but above that to serve God. God is changing my life. He's teaching me to be patient, and he's teaching me to like people I used to not like and he's teaching me to have better faith and he's also teaching me forgiveness. God always answers prayers. Just not always the way we want him to. Sometimes we want him to say yes and he says no or vice versa. Just yesterday I asked him to help clear my face up and he did. And he answered a prayer that I've had on my heart for a few year or maybe it's been several? I don't remember which. My prayer request was to graduate early. And guess what I'm graduating early! :)

Hmph....I wish I knew what his status' are about! But I don't. =/ Only one more block and then I'm graduated! I am so excited, but sad at the same time. I'm going to miss my friends, him and everyone else. I'm going to be 18, soon! April 11th! So excited. :) The other day I wrote a note to Monte on my desk, every word was backwards, I said I thought that he was really cool and that he should talk to me more. He tried to read it, not knowing that it was backwards. He was like I can't read this. Then I said, "It's backwards." He said," Backwards like I have to start at the end or each word?" Each word, I said.
I had to change one word, because he didn't get it.lol After he read it he was like it took me like 5 minutes to read one paragraph...lol Then I left the room for a while and then I came back and sat down in my desk. He gave me a note he wrote and said how about this for a secret code. I couldn't read it. And I asked him to explain, he said, "it's German." "It said I think your beautiful." Awe. lol :) I said thanks..and wrote him another note. :)

God, I am praying to you right now. I am asking you to take away all this pain and all this desperation. Take my heart and cleanse it from all these distractions and impurities. Please? I want my heart to belong to you and you only. Let me see your love through others actions these next few days… I really need to feel your love and kindness. Please help me realize that I do have worth and that I am loved, even though I don’t feel like it at all. Amen

I keep allowing him to hurt me and I do not think that he actually was aware that he hurt me. I told him I that I miss him and he told me that he misses me too! I was so excited! I hope he was not lying. He told me I can trust him with my secret that I would not tell him. It was not a secret at first..I just forgot a word in my text message to him...LOL But then I was like, "hey you know what, use this to your advantage ( to myself)!" LOL So, I did. hahha Genius, right? I still have insecurities about what his intentions are. But I really want to go camping with him, but did not want to go off and be like, yes of course I will! I do not want to sound desperate to hang out with him! I hope he does not invite some other girl to come along...Ugh Frustrating!











I am listening to, "Today was a Fairy-tale' by Taylor Swift! It so fits today!